Going Offline Now

The time has come! I will be moving in with my parents tomorrow and will not have access to the internet for an indefinite period. Please refer to Life is Cruel for an explanation.

Should you leave comments, please be advised I will not be available to respond during this time.

I’ll be back in the future. No idea how long it will be. But when that time comes, I plan to share my experience.

In the meantime, stay strong and be kind to yourself.

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Life is Cruel

It’s been eight years since my son, Barry, passed away. Eight years! For those just joining the road after losing someone to suicide, I can tell you it will become easier to bear. You will one day remember your loved one for who they were and not, so much, for how they died. You will find yourself laughing and loving, and even feeling happy, again. But you will never forget. Never!

For me, life’s road smoothed out and allowed me to think that I could join the ‘normal’ in their quest for happiness. I purchased a house. I found a good, well-paying job. I have a granddaughter now and another grandchild on the way. Yes, things are looking brighter and then…

BAM!

“Take that,” says life.

On 27 March 2014, my father told me he has lung cancer. Less than a month later, he told me (accidentally, mind you) that he has two months to live. And, to top it off, he tells me my mother has early dementia and will need ongoing care when he’s gone.

I love my parents, and I’ll do whatever I can to ensure their lives are happy, safe and comfortable. I’ll sell everything and will relocate to care for them. I’ll do whatever it takes, because they are my parents and they deserve my help. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not scared of what the future holds.

Because I’m TERRIFIED.

The one thing I keep telling myself is, “if you can survive the death of Barry, you can survive this”. And it’s true. Losing Barry was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I survived that. It was difficult and I didn’t think I’d get through it, but I did. And I know I’ll survive this too.

Now, I’ve gone from my son’s death by suicide to my father’s fight with terminal cancer, and later to my mother’s torment from dementia.

I suspect this website will document the journey. However, as the primary carer, I will be moving in with my parents in coming weeks and that will mean I’ll have no internet access until important decisions can be made. That will be two or three months down the track.

In the meantime, over the next couple of weeks at least, you can expect to see posts relating to caring for cancer patients to start appearing on this website.