Some people will forget over time or will let the memories fade. There are many reasons for this but the main one is self preservation. I know it will happen and I accept it. Other people will never forget, even if they wanted to. For instance, there are images etched into my older son’s memory that he doesn’t want to remember, but they are there to stay. And then there are those who were closest to Barry who never want to forget and are scared that his image may slip from their memories. I fall into this category.

Barry played a part in many people’s lives. He may have only touched some lives briefly, yet with others he left a lasting impression. The one thing I’ve come to accept is that everyone who knew him, remembers him differently to me. Although I am his mother, I accept that I didn’t know every part of his personality. He didn’t want me to know every side of him. He kept his secrets, just like I keep mine. That realisation was hard for me to acknowledge at first, but in reality I’m aware that we don’t show everyone the same face. The Barry I knew is not the same Barry his mates knew, who is not the same Barry as his girlfriends knew, who is not the same Barry as a stranger met. Barry, like everyone, was complex and that’s exactly how it should be. That’s what makes us human.

But what has this got to do with the title of this post? Everything.

We lost Barry four years and five days ago. For me, it was a time of sadness with the main question being – what would he have been doing today? Would he have been in a serious relationship, married even? What he have had a child by now? Or, would he be living with mates with the world at his feet and fun to be had in every direction? For me, saying I miss him seems silly because how could I not miss my beloved son.

However, in all the sadness, I discovered other people also remember and miss him. Of course, I had hoped this was true but to have it confirmed was like taking the best medicine available when you’re sick as a dog and then feeling almost healthy again. It gladdened my heart. Yes, it brought tears to my eyes but it’s OK to cry. In fact, I believe it’s a good source of release and encourage it.

Below are a collection of excerpts of the tributes made on 18 May 2010:

barry, i just watched ur video, and i nearly cried over it but it brought back so many great memories, i wish u were still hear to be with ur family and friends, we all miss u so very much, when ever i was down u seemed to make me happy and smile again with ur stupid jokes and laughter…

Daniel, Barry’s brother

My friend and my brother! Havent been the same person since u left. Miss u bazza! Love ur best mate matt.


♥ ♥ Miss u Barry… I wish u were still with us, i will never forget you. ♥ ♥ ♥


it’s been 4 years today since we lost you and i still miss you every day
your smile will never be forgotten, you truly were a special person.
i know i’ll see you again one day but until then rest in peace little cousin, you will never be forgotten. xx


This is in memory of the good who die young & we look at u now smiling down from above, We no that u see us now, we no u hear us grieve,This lyf is far 2 short already, & u were 2 young 2 leave. U were d best that we’ve eva known,So believe that U’ll stay with us as we now grow alone. If there’s 1 thing we’ll remember …4 now & 4ever after, D thing everyone talks about is ur unending laughter…


4 yrs have past since u left us but not a day goes past wen i dont think of u….love u always n forever……kuni n heffa foreva


I can barely type as the tears well up just thinking about you today Barry. We are all the richer for having known you and now the sadder for having lost you. The memory of you lives on in all of us and we miss you very much.


You were an awsome person, a great friend. And always fun to b arround. It was a plesure knowing u, youre one of a kind, RIP my lil friend 🙂 Thinking of you………..


4 years has past but there will be one memory i will never forget and dat was meetin u bazza…….greatest bloke to know and a champion of a friend. never forgotten u baz m8 RIP


I can’t believe it has been 4 years… It seems like yesterday we were walkin thru the plaza with Barry on a Thursday night yelling out stupid shit embarrasing each other…


Its been 4 years bazza but still i see you everyday , you were a great mate and allways will be there isnt a day that goes past where i dont laugh at something cuz it reminds me of you…


Rest In Peace Bazza and we’ll have a drink together, the day we meet again.


4 years baz, i dont even have words to type, not one person u met didnt smile. u were my mate and still are my mate, 4eva, i will never forget u and the memories we hold…


4 years ago already. Feels like just yesterday we were all back at school mucking up and socializing with each other. Words can’t explain how much we all do miss u Barry but we all no we will see each other again one day…