Yesterday, I wrote a post called Preparing for a Medium. Today, I will tell you the results of that night out.

With seating for about 85 people, I would say about 75 people attended the session, which was better than the few hundred (at least) I had expected. Gary and I sat in the second row from the front, which made us feel strange, because we are both people who usually like to hide up the back of the room. On this occasion, I didn’t want to hide. I carried Barry’s wallet in my bag, which I found myself holding before the session started. In my mind, I whispered to Barry to come through, but I didn’t admit that to Gary.

The session started and the medium was immediately drawn to our side of the room. He pointed to the second and third rows and said someone wanted to come through. My body went clammy and my throat dry. The medium said a name, disappointment filled me. A woman behind me claimed the “spirit”. I can’t remember much of what was said to her, but before long she was crying and saying “yes” repeatedly.

Then the medium said he was being drawn forward. My heart leapt again, but his gaze slid over the top of me and settled on the old woman sitting in front of me. The reading the woman received surprised me a lot as I didn’t think the reading he gave was permitted. He basically told her that her husband would soon be joining the family on the other side. He told her that the family wanted her to know that they would take care of him and make the transition easier, and that they would be surrounding the woman with energy to help her get through this time. The woman said nothing during the reading, but at the end she said her husband was very sick and she wasn’t surprised. Then the medium told her that someone else in the family was really sick and would follow her husband quite soon afterwards. This news surprised the woman, but the woman’s daughter confirmed that the husband’s brother had terminal cancer. The old woman looked shocked at this. She obviously didn’t know.

The medium’s gaze moved back to the second row and he said he had a message for someone. Heat rushed through my body, but again the name he said next meant nothing to me. His gaze settled on the woman sitting beside me. Before long the woman was sobbing and her teenage daughter was comforting her. The daughter confirmed that all the details given were concerning her mother’s aunt. The next thing we hear is a warning from the aunt to her niece – go to the doctor and have your stomach tested, something isn’t right there and you need to get it looked at immediately. Again, this was a huge surprise to me. The daughter said she would make the appointment herself and she would ensure her mother saw a doctor as soon as possible.

At this point, my hopes faded, as the medium drifted over to the other side of the room. I felt as if I am forever being overlooked – unseen, invisible. I admit openly that as soon as he walked away, I knew no message would come through for me. There is no point in saying I was fine, because I wasn’t. I was terribly disappointed.

He stood on the other side of the room and said, “I have someone who died by suicide wanting to come through.” Gary immediately grabbed my hand and whispered, “Karen, it’s not Barry. Barry would bring him over here. He’s not going to come through, because he’s not ready yet.”

My heart broke.

The medium pointed to his throat. For me, this was a glimmer of hope. Maybe it was Barry. Then he talked about drug and alcohol addiction and I knew it definitely wasn’t Barry and that someone else in the room had lost a loved one to suicide.

A woman of about 30 put her hand up. The medium wasn’t satisfied that he had the right person and said, “Have you lost two people to suicide?” The woman nodded. After some validation messages, the medium said two brothers wanted to send her a message. It was important to one of them that she know he just couldn’t go on with life any longer. He had tried hard, very hard, but he had lost the will to keep struggling. He never meant to hurt anyone. The woman cried. Then the medium told her that her other brother insisted that he hadn’t meant to die. He said that he was being stupid and it was an accident. The woman turned to her companion and said, “I knew it!” The medium told the woman that her father (who hadn’t died by suicide) had stepped forward and wanted his daughter to know that the boys were alright and that he was looking after them.

I have to admit that this reading touched me. I guess in some ways it even helped me a little, but the night wasn’t over and there was more to come.

The medium’s attention went back a row. He said a huge family had stepped forward and insisted that he address an issue with someone sitting in that second row. He said a few names. No one spoke, no one put their hand up, but the medium had already picked out the person the message was meant for and he just spoke…and spoke…and spoke. Basically, he told a young man that his family was doing everything they could to keep him alive. They were giving him energy and trying to protect him, but now it was up to him to do something. He was told that he had to “step away from the edge”. The medium paused for a moment then mentioned a red jewel and asked how this was related to the man. The young man spoke in very low tones; he said his brother had given him a ring with a red stone not long before he had taken his own life. The medium said, “This is the most important message of the evening, your brother is telling me to tell you that you must stay.” Complete silence. Then the medium said to the man, “Your brother tells me you attempted to follow him, is that true?” The man nodded. “Your brother is saying you must not try it again.”

The young man’s living family just stared at him in shock. I got the feeling they didn’t know he was in as much trouble as he obviously is. A chill went through me, because I can easily relate what was happening to my own family. I found myself wondering how things get so bad that people find themselves standing on the edge…and then I remembered the pain I was feeling in December and January and I knew the answer. For me, that pain was relatively short, imagine having to face that every day for what must feel like years, and in some cases is. Imagine thinking there will never be an end to that pain.

A few more readings were given, but they were nothing spectacular and not worth mentioning here. At the end of the evening, the medium opened up the floor for questions and I was surprised when a little old lady put her hand up and asked what happens to a person who suicides. The medium said that life is like a contract. We have “things” to do and when someone ends their life, they are terminating the contract prematurely. He said some suicides are ordained, but very few. Then he said to imagine life to be a thread in a tapestry. The thread intertwines with other threads and where these threads cross symbolises a relationship or something else of importance we have to achieve. If someone suicides, they cut the thread stopping all those future crossings. He said when a child messes up we don’t punish them, we instruct them so that they don’t mess up (hopefully) again. The suicided person has done something wrong and they receive instruction and guidance to put things right. He said the person is not sorry for what they’ve done, but they do feel remorse and they do find a deep understanding of the ripple they cause and the hurt they leave behind. People who suicide have to face a lot of work on the other side, but they are not punished. How can anyone punish someone who is already suffering and is already punishing themselves? No, they are cared for and are shown how to get past their problems so that they can move on.

Shortly after this the session ended.

Yesterday, I said that I should remember Gary’s dream and the fact that Barry told us then that he wasn’t ready to face me. That was only two months ago, and I was silly to think that anything had changed in such a short time.

Yesterday, I said that certain things happened to make me feel I was meant to go to the session. I assumed this meant I would get a message, but now I realise that the evening revolved a lot around suicide and I feel I was meant to be there to hear those words.

Yesterday, I made out that I would be fine if nothing happened. I lied.

Yesterday, I claimed to be a cynic. I no longer am.

Today, I accept that Barry still isn’t ready to come through. I admit that I don’t think I am strong enough to handle it if he had come through, no matter what I pretend and no matter what I say. And today, I know I will book a seat at a future session and I know that when Barry is ready he’ll come through, we’ll be able to forgive each other.