Preparing for a Medium

Tonight, Gary and I are going to do something we’ve never done before. We are going to see a medium. This will not be a one-on-one reading (I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that), it’s a group session. I don’t know how many people will be there, but I think it will be a couple of hundred…at least. The medium conducts sessions in the same fashion as John Edwards, the American psychic medium.

Although we are going at my suggestion, I don’t know what I think about this outing. I feel embarrassed even writing this post about it, but I am determined to keep this blog real and this means including everything – not just the things that make me feel comfortable.

Grief is an all consuming thing. I find myself wanting to “hear” from Barry. I want signs that will tell me he’s OK. I need to know that he’s not troubled about anything, including his actions on 18 May 2006. I read over these words and my brain is telling me that I’m being silly. Barry is gone and that’s the end of it. However, my heart refuses to let go. My heart is telling me that if it is at all possible, Barry will get a message through to me. Yet…at the same time, I must remember Gary’s dream and the message given then was that Barry was not ready to face me.

In all honesty, I want a message so badly it hurts. I will carry Barry’s wallet in my bag with the hope that it will help it happen. But…I’m a cynic, or I used to be. It’s amazing how quickly we can change our minds when those old opinions no longer make us feel good and no longer bring us comfort. I no longer know what I think and that troubles me in a way too.

We are going to see this medium, because I found out about him by accident and he’s appearing at a venue which is no more than a four minute walk from home. Also, and I know this is grasping at straws, today is the anniversary of the last time I actually saw Barry…at the viewing. In a way, it feels like it’s meant to be…but I must not have expectations before we get there, or while we’re there, because I don’t want to be disappointed if nothing happens.

I’ll tell you what does, or doesn’t, happen tomorrow.

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4 thoughts on “Preparing for a Medium

  1. Oh Karen, How familiar this post seems. Before my son’s death,I would NEVER have felt the need to approach a medium, and like you felt a bit embarrassed when the very strong urge to do so hit me.However,I now tell anyone who disapproves “You know where your children are to-day,I want the chance let him contact me,if it’s at all possible.”Like you,I was a cynic and even after some incredible experiences,kept “testing” how certain facts could have come up,in two private sessions.My last experience was mind-blowing.In a room with about800 people,the medium walked up to me during the break and started to describe my son,very accurately,told me how he died and said,pointing to my husband”No,that’s not my dad,he’s my step-father,(Gary!) and we got on very well to-gether”.Throughout her reading,I kept totally silent,determined not to supply any clues.When she said it was a suicide,I actually lied and said NO.(I later apologised to her for this).I came away feeling incredibe,that contact had occurred.I had gone,hoping to be reassured from other people’s contacts that our loved ones are somewhere.To have been one of those lucky ones was great! Good luck. Maree

  2. God bless you for being able to do whatever you must to find comfort for you and your family. I understand…even though I have never lost a child, I have lost others who were the light of my life…specifically, my dad, and I have often thought of trying to contact him, but am not nearly as brave as you. I hope you find peace some day. My prayers continue to be with you and yours. I cry every single time I visit your blog, but I don’t consider that a bad thing. Nobody knows what the future holds for any of us and the sheer grit that it must take to get through the day is an inspiration and I am humbled by it all.

    All the best always,

    WW

  3. Maree, your words touched me and encouraged me. I’ve already posted the outcome of the session, so I won’t go into it further, but I just wanted to say that I’m glad you had contact with your son. It must have been amazing. {{{hugs}}}

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