Reflections of a Difficult Night

I wrote this at midnight last night.

I know that in truth the anniversary of your passing is still 24 hours away, but for me it was on a Thursday night that my life changed forever, and tonight I’m feeling that loss. Tonight I feel like my heart has been ripped from my body…again. Tears sting my eyes as I remember hearing those words Daniel spoke to me on that night, “he’s dead.”

As a writer I should have plenty to say, but I find myself speechless, empty, lost. I miss you so much, Barry.

At 12.12am I left my bed and pulling the curtain aside I stared out at the stars. I noticed Daniel standing in the dark staring at the stars too. The remnants of my heart fell apart and the tears welled again and I felt as if I was going to lose control forever.

Desperate for comfort, I left the bedroom and went to find Gary. He sat quietly in front of his computer … he was writing a letter to Barry (which will be shared later today). We put our arms around each other and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

This morning, none of us have had much sleep. All of us are feeling the void of Barry’s absence and many tears have already been shed. Today, Barry has been gone from this world for one year. It’s so unfair and unjust. It’s so wrong. And no matter how far I’ve come along the road called Grievance, I would do anything to have my son back.

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