Mother’s Day will be hard for me from now on. Whilst most mothers enjoy special time with their children – no matter what age they might be – I will always know that it was on Mother’s Day in 2006 that I last saw Barry’s smiling face. And…it was the last time I hugged my youngest son.
As the day is for all mothers, not just for me, I will attempt to always be mindful that the day should be a happy time. I will try to join in this happiness for the other mothers in my family, but Barry will always be in my mind and heart on this day especially.
A friend sent me the following graphic. Just knowing that she had thought of me was enough to make me cry. As with everything in the grieving process, acknowledgement of my loss and my feelings is all that is needed to help me through the day. Mentioning Barry’s name is even better.
Below is the entire poem:
A Mother’s Day Wish From Heaven
Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
~ by Jody Seilheimer ~
As the day draws to a close, I am able to say that I made it through the day. I thought of Barry often, but I did not speak aloud the images going through my mind. I saw Barry walking towards me, weaving through tables in a restaurant with a huge smile on his face. I saw him sitting beside his brother; the pair of them throwing back their heads in laughter. I saw him walking around the buffet selecting the food he wanted to eat. I saw him walking up the driveway and disappearing into the townhouses where his best friend lived. However, this year we didn’t dine in a restaurant, instead we visited my brother and his wife. They served a lunch which filled our bellies and was delicious. Gary and I tried our hand at getting some netball goals with my two young nieces. We listened to a range of music. We gave my mother her Mother’s Day gift.
Daniel arrived home (he didn’t come with us) shortly after we did. A lump formed in the back of my throat when he pressed flowers and chocolates into my arms. And then he gave me a double feature DVD and a card signed “Daniel and Barry”. Even now that simple gesture brings tears to my eyes. As I said, I just wanted someone to mention Barry’s name. This one word fills me with warmth and love.
To all the mothers in the world who have lost a child, I wish for you peace in your heart on this sad but special day.