When Mother’s Day Feels Empty

There are no words to completely describe what a mother feels when her child has died. She feels lost, abandoned, afraid, lonely, forgotten, and most of all empty. The emptiness is like none other because it is an emptiness of the heart. When a child dies, part of a mother’s heart also dies.

Mother’s Day is a traditional holiday that has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. We are bombarded with advertisements to take out mothers for a special dinner or buy Mother’s Day flowers. For more than a month before Mother’s Day, reminders are placed everywhere. It’s impossible to pick up a newspaper, listen to the radio, or turn on the television without some kind of reminder of Mother’s Day.

There are Mother’s Day banquets, Mother’s Day baby dedications at church, and special family gatherings to honor mothers. All of this is wonderful except for the mother that is grieving the loss of her child. For the grieving mother, every reminder of Mother’s Day is like another wound to the heart. The hole in her heart caused by grief grows larger and larger with each reminder, and the emptiness feels darker and colder than she ever imagined possible. What is a grieving mother to do when there are so many reminders of the precious child she has lost?

Mother’s Day is the only holiday that specifically uses the word mother, so there is no real way of avoiding this day. A grieving mother can, however, prepare for Mother’s Day well in advance so that she knows how to avoid placing additional pain in her life.

Remember that Mother’s Day is not a holiday that has to be celebrated. If a grieving mother does not want to attend a banquet, or watch baby dedications at church, or see special family gatherings at restaurants, then she has the right to choose not to participate in these events without feeling guilty. Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all on Mother’s Day, and that is fine. Grief follows no rules and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Explain to others that this day is painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is very healing and helpful, especially during such a difficult day as Mother’s Day.

Do what feels right for you. Maybe that means taking a mini trip away where nobody knows you. Maybe it is staying at home. Perhaps a walk in the woods or a walk along the sandy beach would help you during this empty time. Journal your thoughts. Release a balloon. Or, maybe you want to avoid Mother’s Day altogether. You know what feels best for your heart, and giving yourself permission to do what is right for you can be the most healing thing of all.

Lastly, remind yourself often that you will not always feel this empty. With each passing day new hope will enter your empty heart until one day you will wake up to realize that the empty hole is beginning to fill with some joy. Mother’s Day is only one day. With a little bit of preparation you can make it through, and you will have walked one more step in your journey of healing!


Written by Clara Hinton
Site Founder/Author of Silent Grief, Speaker, Workshop Leader
Visit http://www.silentgrief.com for articles, resources, message boards, and additional support for healing through loss.


2 thoughts on “When Mother’s Day Feels Empty

  1. Hi – I have been reading through your blog for the better part of the afternoon. I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child, but I lost my father by suicide when I was a little girl. In all honesty it never bothered me much until this year. I am not sure of the reasons why, but I know that this year for me has been very trying. difficult at best. I just wanted to thank you for putting together this site. I wanted to tell you that you made a comment on one of the other blog entries about how you poured over the internet reading these sites. That is exactly what I have been doing. I have been in tears for two weeks now. We just passed the anniversary of my fathers death. And I wish I had an answer too.

    My heart goes out to you and your family.

  2. Hi Kelly. Grief can strike at the most strangest of times. It seems years have passed for you and now it has hit you hard. I believe that’s because you are now old enough to understand what happen, and you probably have questions you need answers to. Can you talk to anyone about what happened all those years ago? Your mother, or another member of the family who might be able to give you details? {{{hugs}}} I’m sorry that you have to go through the pain and grief again.

    Thank you for your kind words. My family and I are surviving and, at this stage, that’s all I can really hope for.

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