Looking into a Mirror

Tomorrow something will happen that I feel strange about. I will be put in a situation where it will be similar to looking into a mirror. What I’ll see is the face of another mother who lost her son to suicide last year. I will come face to face with a woman who knows exactly what I’m feeling and what I’ve been through. Yet I know nothing about this woman except what has been written in this post.

As I sit at my computer typing this, I have mixed feelings running through my body. Part of me feels like it is Christmas Eve and something special is going to happen tomorrow. The other part of me feels like I’m going to be pushed out of a plane without a parachute.

The meeting has been arranged through our councillors. We will meet in the Area Health building, where we should feel “safe”. We will be introduced while both our councillors are present. They will sit with us for a few minutes and if we both give the nod, they will make us a cup of tea and then leave us alone for a while. And what happens from there is up to us.

In all honesty, I am not a social person. I especially don’t like crowds, but this is a one on one meeting, which I’m usually much better at handling. I don’t know what to expect. Will we rush into each other’s arms and burst into tears? Will we stand awkwardly for several minutes fumbling over words of sympathy? Will we instantly take a dislike to each other? Will we be able to talk to each other? Or will the whole thing just be too painful?

I have no idea. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow.

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