Grief is like a roller coaster ride. I’ve been told this a thousand times and have found it to be true. In the beginning, that roller coaster ride is treacherous and dangerous. It fools you into believing your mental state has been tarnished. It threatens to knock you back into the darkest pit with no light, no hope.
Grief takes everything we know as normal and throws it out the window. Normal is never to be found again. Not the normal we know so well. Most of us will find a replacement normal, but whilst we grieve the person we have lost, we also grieve the normal we have lost too.
Grief also steals other things from us – our memory, our sense of well being, our gut instincts and in some cases, our friends. People have no idea what we are feeling, what we are going through. They can imagine, but rarely is their imagination vast enough to even come close to the truth. People say and do the wrong things. The grieving person can make allowances for this. They know their family and friends are fumbling in the dark. However, even if we tell them what we need from them, they can’t always offer us that support. It’s too difficult and frightening. They don’t want to deal with our grief, yet they are happy to leave us to deal with it on our own.
A grieving person is often a lonely person. We need to talk about our lost love, but we can see the mere mentioning of that person’s name often causes the people around us discomfort. We want to talk about the past and include the person we’ve lost in those discussions, but that often causes the chat to fizzle out quickly. Some people will think we are morbid, yet all we want is for people to remember…like we do. And often we want people to help us remember the small details, because our minds are so tired and sad, we can’t remember those details by ourselves.
Grief is not only about the person we lost. It is also life shattering because everything chances…everything. Moving through the grief is one of the most difficult things anyone has to do, but we can do it. We can survive the torment. We can find the light and walk towards it. Sometimes we will have help to get there. Often we have to make that journey on our own. But we can do it. Hope is not lost, it’s just misplaced. Once we find it again, it will help us find our way.