A Sense of Déjà Vu

It’s been a while since I gave an update on Daniel. There are several reasons for that, but the main one is that I’m unsure …

In all honesty, Daniel is in the place that Barry was within the last three weeks of his life. Gary and I have a strong sense of déjà vu. This is the main reason for my lack of sleep and constant worry. We thought we might be over reacting, but Daniel’s cousin also said he was worried and that’s why he has been spending a lot of time with Daniel. I’m thankful for that.

Maybe we are all over reacting. Then again, maybe not. I don’t want to go on and on about this, not here. How are we to know for sure? When Barry was in that place, we didn’t realise what was happening and did nothing. Now we all know the signs, we can see the danger signals and we are all rallying around Daniel to ensure he knows there are plenty of options. But we still feel like there’s nothing we can do. I have a strong feeling of hopelessness.

One thing that has happened recently is that Daniel walked out of his job. Considering my own problems at work, I can totally relate to why he did this. Actually he did this on the same day I almost did the same thing. However, it hasn’t made his situation better and because he walked out, this means he’ll have trouble getting Unemployment Benefit. He has expressed the wish to have a month of work. Despite everything, I agreed with him. I think this shocked him more than anything, because in another life I would have been the opposite. I know he was nervous about telling me about leaving his job and he expected a lecture, but he didn’t get one, because I know he needs time off, just like I need time off, so who am I to lecture.

Today, however, Daniel passed the test to get his Learners Licence for driving. This gives me hope, because he is planning for the future and wanting to start his lessons soon. He even said that he might start looking for another job sooner than planned, because he wants a car. The more reasons he has to carry on, the better.

I seem to be saying this a lot lately. You’d think after 8 months it would begin to get easier. Well, it’s getting harder. My councillor tells me this is normal.

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