This morning I stood in Barry’s room looking at the framed photo you see in the sidebar (but without the flowers and wording). I told him how brave he was to take his own life. It took a lot of courage to do such a thing, I have to admit that. But then I went on to tell him how stupid he was too. He gave up his world for the love of a girl. No life is worth so little. She wasn’t worth it. No person is worth it.
We can’t make people love us. We shouldn’t even try. Yet we do. It must be in our nature to do anything we can think of, even things that will make us feel embarrassed and ashamed in the future, to keep hold of someone we love. Even…or should I say especially…when they don’t want us. We don’t realise that we are wasting our time and energy, and we are enabling that person to have complete control over us. As I’ve already said, no person is worth that.
That time and energy would be better used in finding a person who truly loves us. A person who will accept us for what and who we are. A person who doesn’t want to dominate and control, but love and nurture. Someone who will make us happy and content.
Barry is gone forever, and for what? A girl who will meet and marry someone else. Who will have children and live her life without much of a thought for Barry. I’m not saying this is wrong, because it’s not. Why should she dedicate her life to a dead person? No one would expect that, especially me. What I’m saying is that Barry’s actions didn’t do anything to change the situation. He didn’t win the battle, or the war. He didn’t gain the love he craved from her. He isn’t here to see how his actions may have hurt or affected her. He doesn’t know how his death crushed his family. He had the world to live for, yet he chose to end his life over something none of us can control. It seems so pointless.
Oh, Barry, do you now see how stupid your decision was?