When the Light Fades

On Saturday night, after a traumatic Friday night (the details of which will not be placed on this site), Daniel attempted suicide. The events of the previous 24 hours left him feeling so distraught and hurt that he felt he had no reason to carry on and ride this wave out. He tried to overdose on pain killers!

This sounds worse than it actually was. Daniel was walking around when the ambulance arrived, he got into the ambulance himself and went with them. He said that he needed help and he hoped the hospital would provide it for him. Then, more events occured (that again I will not place here) which left me frantic. I got to the stage where I found myself phoning the police for help, but they could do little to help me. At the end of the day, I discovered myself in a web of lies and deceit, whilst also trying to conquer the fear and worry I had for Daniel.

The weekend was the worst I’ve suffered since losing Barry. My family unit no longer exists. I have no control over what happens next. I feel defeated.

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7 thoughts on “When the Light Fades

  1. Karen, I don’t know what to say. It seems like one step forward and two steps back for you lately. I hope Daniel is getting the help he needs and that he will come through this dark time okay; and what about you? Could you get in for an extra counselling session or something? It sounds like you are strained to the breaking point, and I don’t like to hear that. Please take care of yourself the best you can.

  2. Karen, you know how you wrote that people who attempted suicide and survived usually report later that they were glad they survived. Please remember that. You may feel like following Barry at times, as Daniel has said he feels. I echo Sherry when I say, please take care of you. You are here for a purpose, and you have not failed. From what I’ve read you seem like you’ve been a good, loving mother to your boys. These circumstances are out of your control. You can only control your own actions. What if you could physically remove yourself from the situation for a bit? I realize that much of it will go with you, but how about getting away and clearing your head? It may do you some good and leave you with a new perspective.

  3. “It seems like one step forward and two steps back for you lately.” Ironically, this is the flash theme on your writing board, Karen. *sigh* I wish now that I would have chosen some other Sept. theme, as if magically that would have kept this from happening to you. Karen, know that we’d all take part of your strain if we could. I’m trying in the only way I know how. Yes, seek more counselling, more icecream, go for long walks, and maybe those sleeping pills once in a while are a good thing for you right now. I wouldn’t ever normally say that, since they can be highly addictive, but dear god, you need to sleep!! *huge hugs* Don’t give up!

  4. Thank you.

    I coping the best I can. I do have a counselling session on Wednesday. The counsellor will certainly earn her wage during that time spent with me on that day, I can promise you that.

    This is the lowest I’ve felt for some time, but I will be alright. I’ll get through this. I always do. Thank you for caring and thank you for your support.

  5. I realize that much of it will go with you, but how about getting away and clearing your head? It may do you some good and leave you with a new perspective.

    I had to think about this for a bit.

    The last time Gary and I went away, Barry committed suicide. To be honest, I’m too scared to go away now. I do need to clear my head, but I couldn’t risk it. I wouldn’t be able to relax.

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