How many times have I said that I need to know the details in order to accept what’s happened? Many times and I’ll probably make that statement many more times too.

There is one answer that I do crave. What happened to Barry’s necklace? It was just a cheap shell necklace, but he wore it for years. If you look at all the photos in the photo album you’ll easily pick out the one I mean.

Seeing as Barry decided what we could have and what he wanted thrown away, I was devastated to find that he didn’t leave us with anything that he truly cherished. And they are the things we would have, in turn, cherished the most. The one thing I wanted the most was that necklace. It was cheap, but to me, it would be priceless.

In the weeks since Barry’s passing I have gone into his room numerous times and asked him to lead me to that necklace, if it can be found. At night, moments after crawling into bed and turning out the light I ask him to the same thing. To date, nothing.

However, last night I had a dream. Barry came to me in a crowded room. Everyone in that room was oblivious to both of us. Barry held something round in his hand and said that he was not able to wear it. He wasn’t upset, he was more resigned. I asked him to sit with me at a long table, where there just happened to be a spare seat beside me. He refused and said that he wasn’t allowed. Things became urgent, because he told me that he had to go. I asked him where “it” was and he pointed away from us and indicated that it was a long way away. I was disappointed. He was gone.

The round object wasn’t the necklace, it was more disc like, but I couldn’t tell you what it was. Although we never said the word “necklace” I knew in the dream that that’s what we were talking about. After Barry “left” I woke up and couldn’t fall back to sleep.

I feel that Barry or my subconscious is telling me to stop looking for the necklace. I’ll never find it because it’s nowhere to be found. But I can’t let go that easily. So…

If you knew Barry and if you know what happened to the necklace, please tell me. I need to know.