…I had to take his pain killers away from him; because he tried to take an overdose…he wants to be with Barry…can you talk to him?…
The above is a mere two lines of typing, but when someone comes up to you and says these words it’s enough to make your world stop. These are words no mother wants to hear. These are words that I dread everyday. I won’t even write down the other words I fear, but I never want to hear those words, let alone type them.
These are words I heard last night. This is the reason for my Behind Closed Doors post. The ice beneath my family’s feet is thin and we are in danger of falling through and becoming lost. I’m doing everything I can to keep all of us safely on the ice and guide us to safer ground. I’ve never had a job that’s been so difficult.
In grief it’s hard to think, let alone make decisions. However, the situation I was faced with last night forced me to do both. I just hope I made the right decisions.
I had to sit two people down, separately, and talk to them about their future. I had to meddle where a mother isn’t welcome. Yet my first priority is keeping my only surviving child alive. And if it means I have to meddle, then I will do just that.
It’s difficult to get the true story across without betraying confidences. The situation is quite complicated, but in the end I had to tell one person that if the circumstances got to this point again, then I would have no choice but to ask that person to leave. That person took the news well, and even said that they understood why and wanted me to do just that because the person didn’t want to be the cause of any more pain.
As I said, the situation is complicated. The “circumstances” are deep and complex, but I feel that both parties are taking positive steps to fix things. Afterwards, I spoke to Gary about my decision, and was surprised when he said that I was more tolerant than him. He said that he would have removed the cause of the problem straight away. And this is where my dilemma begins. Have I done the right thing? Will the next time be too late? I honestly don’t know what to feel and think anymore. I’m so confused.