Yesterday, I received a letter from the Coroner’s Court officially notifying me that the police and the Coroner are satisfied with their findings, and an inquest will not be held to investigate Barry’s death.

When we visited the police station a few weeks back, I was given the opportunity to push for an inquest – if I felt it was necessary and thought there was foul play surrounding Barry’s passing. I don’t think this and never have. I feel 100% confident that Barry made the decision on his own and carried it through without help.

A sense of relief comes with this news. We know as much as the police do. None of us would have benefited by an inquest delving into every aspect of our lives to find out things what we already know – how, when, where and possibly why. What’s more, having to sit and listen to these things, months down the track, would have brought all the emotions to the surface again. We don’t need that.

Attached to the letter was a copy of the autopsy report. (I did receive a copy of this report about 10 days ago and may have posted about it then. I can’t remember.) The images of what must have been done to my son to get the information for this report are unpleasant. However, at least I know for sure that Barry was not affected by drugs or alcohol. For some reason, this news makes me feel slightly better. Whereas, I would have thought that if I’d been told that either of these things were in his system then I would have had something to blame.

I prefer to look at it this way; at the end of the day placing blame doesn’t change the end result. It also requires a lot of energy to sustain those emotions and I have none to spare.

Now we just have to wait for Barry’s personal effects to be released.