Feelings of Guilt

Remember, what happened to your loved one isn’t about how much you loved them, or didn’t love them. It’s not even about how much they loved you. It’s about how much they didn’t love themselves.

I found this poem. It’s very much to the point, but I agree with it’s meaning.

Responsibility:

I have a responsibility to those I love…
to be loving, patient, considerate, and kind;
to be loyal, respectful, and honest;
to be appreciative, encouraging, and comforting;
to share myself and care for myself;
to be the best possible “Me”.

BUT

I am not responsible for them…
not for their achievements, successes, or triumphs;
not for their joy, gratification, or fulfillment;
not for their defeats, failures, or disappointments;
not for their thoughts, choices, or mistakes.
And not for their suicide.

For had I been responsible this death would not have occurred.

~ Author Unknown

As a parent, I made mistakes; everyone makes mistakes. I have to continually remind myself that the decisions I’ve made in the past were made with the knowledge I had available to me at the time. I’ve always tried to do the best thing by my children and I never intended to hurt them in any way, but I also know that some of my decisions did hurt them. I’m truly sorry for that.

I could have made Barry do certain things, but then I may have pushed him away altogether. I didn’t want to do that, so I chose to guide him, to suggest the right path and hope that he listened. In most things he did. However, I didn’t know he had suicidal thoughts, so how can I be held responsible for his decision to end his life?

As hard as it is for me to say this, the only person responsible for his death…is Barry.

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4 thoughts on “Feelings of Guilt

  1. “…the only person responsible for his death…is Barry.”

    That is very true, although it surely hurts. *hugs*

  2. My son Jacob died Christmas Day 2005. No words can describe the guilt I felt. It is too long of a story to tell, but I want you to know reading this has helped me so much. I have been feeling like a total failure and the worse Mother in the world because I felt so guilty. Thank you and know you have blessed my life so much today.

    Lee

  3. Guilt is the biggest emotion a parent feels in this situation. Guilt for not doing something, or for doing to much, or not listening, or not giving in, or … the list goes on and on.

    I feel guilt, but I know it’s unjustified. I know that I did the best I could. I feel equally hurt that my son wasn’t able to come to me, and tell me his problems…especially since we had a good relationship.

    Finally, feeling guilt is normal. You are not alone in that feeling.

    I’m so glad you found this post helpful.

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