I don’t know who wrote the following. If you do, please let me know so that I can give the proper credit.
“This Grief is like a thing. It is a big, heavy, shapeless thing,
That is always there no matter what I’m doing or where I am.”
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept,
things we don’t want to know but have to learn,
and people we can’t live without but have to let go.”
These words touched me as being true. Having experienced the pain of losing someone I love, I know that the bereaved take on a split life for a while. We show a face to other people that they expect to see; smiling and coping. Our real face is sadder and thoughtful. We only show that to people we can trust, and in weaker moments that we cannot control.
A large part of grief is acceptance; accepting what has happened, accepting that the person we lost will never come home, accepting that life will return to a new normal, and accepting that we change inwardly and become a new person.
That acceptance is not easy to grasp. Even when you hold it in your hands and think you’ve got the hang of it, it can easily slip away again. This will continue to happen for some time. How long that time is, is different for everyone. For me, I know it’s there. I’ve seen it, but I haven’t managed to grab hold of it yet.
I read somewhere that the person must acknowledge the pain, and then make a conscious decision to let it go. Some people plan for it for weeks ahead of time, but when the set day comes, they make an extra effort to let go of the grief and move on with their life. When you are being held back from doing this, it’s because you are afraid that you might be letting go of your loved one too. I know that’s what’s holding me back. Yet I know that I can never let Barry go – not his memory, anyway. That’s mine to keep forever.