My partner phoned my employer this morning and they talked about my situation. I’m so lucky to have understanding bosses, it does make my emotional status easier to bare, as it means that I have one less thing to worry and fret over. I will remain off work for the remainder of this week, and see what happens from there.

I feel a safety at home, that I don’t feel at work. This might be because I’m surrounded by memories, or I have support close by. Or, it might be because I can’t handle life going on without Barry being part of it, and that is made more obvious at work where I’m surrounded by normality.

I do know that I can’t handle people right now, and being a secretary, I have to talk to people as part of my job. I’m not ready for that yet. The emotions are raw. However, I’m aware that I can’t stay within the safety of home forever – even though it’s what I want right now. So, we visited the local library today and I borrowed some books on suicide and grief. I have spent several hours reading other people’s stories, and as morbid as it might sound, it does help to know that what I’m going through is normal.

I intend to share some of the knowledge from the books in other posts. I found the words helpful and I know other people will do so too.