I always intended to write about Barry’s life, but at first my body – in an effort to protect me – wouldn’t allow me to remember details. Everything was vague and distant and the more I tried to focus on anything, the further away it seemed to be. It was not only frustrating but extremely upsetting, and then when the memories came back, I found it too difficult to write about it.
A few days ago, we hit the four year mark of Barry’s death and rather than focus on the bad things, which only depresses and mortifies everyone, I wanted to share highlights of a young man’s life. I wanted to show myself, my immediate family and Barry’s friends that he did have a wonderful life. A life filled with camping, swimming, regular family gatherings, times when he goofed around, had fun, laughed. A life where there was no shortage of Christmas presents and birthday celebrations. A life surrounded by people who loved him and he loved in return.
So I set about making a video to upload to the facebook page and I chose to share that glimpse of a life with pictures. Each year of Barry’s life is represented. There were some years when photos were not taken, and that was difficult for me to deal with as there will never be another opportunity to take photos and I regret not taking them while I could. But life is like that. I didn’t know Barry wouldn’t be around. I didn’t know how important it would become, until it was too late. We think there’s always tomorrow to do something, or say something important. We never consider the possibility that there will be no tomorrow. Yet life’s issues – such as the breakdown of a marriage or the simple breakdown of a camera – sometimes feel more important and photos are at the bottom of the list, if they are thought of at all. But that is in the past and I can do nothing about it so I must force myself to let go of the feelings of regret.
The photos chosen flash quickly before the viewer – a few photos for each year of Barry’s life. While this is happening, a song pulls at the heart strings. The song is called “Who’d You be Now” by Kenny Chesney. I’ve never really liked country and western, but when I heard this song only three weeks ago, I knew it was the song I would use.
If you want to watch Barry’s life in pictures, please click on this link. (You must have a Facebook account and be logged in to view.)
I would have liked to embed the video into this post, but the website provider doesn’t allow it.
Today would have been Barry’s 19th birthday. To celebrate, I’ve decided to start a memorial for him. The category is called “Barry’s Life” and you’ll be able to watch Barry grow up in this section of the website.
Come with me as I walk through a young man’s life – my youngest son.
Barry Andrew Henderson was born at 1.08am on 26 June 1987 after a little over an hour and a half of easy labour. He weighed 7lb 10oz and had a soft covering of reddish/brown hair, which eventually turned a darker shade of blond.
I’d love to say that Barry was a good baby, but that would be telling fibs. In truth, he cried…a lot. He cried day and night, for weeks and months on end (eight months to be exact). Those first few months left me feeling exhausted as I tried to adjust to the new routine. Daniel had been as quiet as a mouse when he was born so I believed being a mother was dead simple. Was I wrong?!? I couldn’t figure out how I could have two exact opposites.
However, Barry was everything in the world to me. From the start, Daniel had a strong bond with his father. When Barry came along, I was pleased to discover that he and I would share a strong bond too. He was my little boy, and he never stopped being that.
Here are three photos of my little angel in the first three months of his life:
The above photo was taken on 7 July 1987 when Barry was only 11 days old.
This photo was taken on 14 July 1987 when Barry was two weeks old.
And this one was taken on 3 September 1987 when Barry was 9 weeks old.