Comments on: To Kill Oneself or Not to Kill Oneself? http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/ a mother grieves the loss of her 18 year old son to suicide Wed, 18 Nov 2009 05:15:19 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Amanda http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4366 Amanda Wed, 22 Apr 2009 01:41:40 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4366 My husband only wants me to be happy and all I want to do is die. Nothing seems to have purpose and the pain is so great that it just takes hold of me, it could be at any moment in time that the thought crosses my mind, take a little more of those pills, get the knife out of the drawer, run into the tree up ahead at full speed. Just end it. I'm angry at people and I just want them to know how mad I am because nothing I say seems to get through. But mainly killing myself just seems like a quick way to alleviate my pain. I do care about others and I don't want to be the cause of their pain or any pain. But, then again, aren't we supposed to be in charge of our own pain? I mean if I don't let someone inflict pain on me, can I control my own feelings and not be hurt? I don't think so. I do think it's possible for someone to seriously hurt someone else and damage their life forever, and this is why killing yourself can't be the answer, because continuing acycle of pain andviolence can only cause more harm to the world. The only way committing suicide is alright is if we all do it together at once and unfortunately I don't think I can convince everyone to do that. Perhaps a meteor will hit the earth soon and end all suffering. My husband only wants me to be happy and all I want to do is die. Nothing seems to have purpose and the pain is so great that it just takes hold of me, it could be at any moment in time that the thought crosses my mind, take a little more of those pills, get the knife out of the drawer, run into the tree up ahead at full speed. Just end it. I’m angry at people and I just want them to know how mad I am because nothing I say seems to get through. But mainly killing myself just seems like a quick way to alleviate my pain. I do care about others and I don’t want to be the cause of their pain or any pain. But, then again, aren’t we supposed to be in charge of our own pain? I mean if I don’t let someone inflict pain on me, can I control my own feelings and not be hurt? I don’t think so. I do think it’s possible for someone to seriously hurt someone else and damage their life forever, and this is why killing yourself can’t be the answer, because continuing acycle of pain andviolence can only cause more harm to the world. The only way committing suicide is alright is if we all do it together at once and unfortunately I don’t think I can convince everyone to do that. Perhaps a meteor will hit the earth soon and end all suffering.

]]> By: shell http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4359 shell Tue, 24 Mar 2009 00:28:47 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4359 I am 34 and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts since 15. The only reason i haven' done it is for everybody else. therefore i have to suffer so they don't. Hate them for being so selfish they can't see my pain,don't want to help me but won't let me go. Has anyone ever considered that they are beng selfish for wanting someone to go on living in severe emotional pain just so they don't feel bad when the person finally sets themselves free from the pain? I am 34 and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts since 15. The only reason i haven’ done it is for everybody else. therefore i have to suffer so they don’t. Hate them for being so selfish they can’t see my pain,don’t want to help me but won’t let me go. Has anyone ever considered that they are beng selfish for wanting someone to go on living in severe emotional pain just so they don’t feel bad when the person finally sets themselves free from the pain?

]]> By: Bill Howdle http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4325 Bill Howdle Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:00:51 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4325 I hope you don't mind but I have added you to my blogroll I hope you don’t mind but I have added you to my blogroll

]]> By: Hermann http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4323 Hermann Sun, 22 Jun 2008 12:30:21 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4323 it's really unfair and brutal, that there is no way out of life without hurting the ones you love.. this is hell. I can't stand life, but I also can't stand the thought of hurting my mother this badly. I'm in the painful cage of life and when I break free it will be even more painful for those who stay back. yes, alcohol and living alone supports making death seem like beautiful peace, that can finally quiet ones heart. I am very much aware of the simple roots of my feelings, but I don't see myself capeable of changing that. it’s really unfair and brutal, that there is no way out of life without hurting the ones you love..
this is hell. I can’t stand life, but I also can’t stand the thought of hurting my mother this badly.
I’m in the painful cage of life and when I break free it will be even more painful for those who stay back.

yes, alcohol and living alone supports making death seem like beautiful peace, that can finally quiet ones heart.
I am very much aware of the simple roots of my feelings, but I don’t see myself capeable of changing that.

]]> By: Bill Howdle http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4319 Bill Howdle Sat, 07 Jun 2008 16:14:52 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-4319 This is a very powerful post and took a lot of strength and courage to write. I thank you for sharing as you have. Many hugs to you. Bill This is a very powerful post and took a lot of strength and courage to write. I thank you for sharing as you have. Many hugs to you.
Bill

]]> By: Deborah http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-229 Deborah Tue, 10 Oct 2006 01:18:02 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-229 Big hugs for you, too, Karen. :) Big hugs for you, too, Karen. :)

]]> By: Karen http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-221 Karen Sun, 08 Oct 2006 23:27:43 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-221 Deborah, although you had a rough time during those first five years and you still have dark moments, you did make it this far. You have your husband and your sons, your writing, and probably countless other reasons to carry on. You've done well. {{{hugs}}} A few weeks ago, I was driving when I felt upset, angry, hurt and desperate. I was being reckless and I remember thinking that I didn't care if I died. Then I realised that if I had been in an accident, it might not be me who died, but an innocent person, a complete stranger. This was enough to make me stop and take note. It was enough to settle me down and push those dark thoughts aside. The next day I found myself thankful that nothing happened. Deborah, although you had a rough time during those first five years and you still have dark moments, you did make it this far. You have your husband and your sons, your writing, and probably countless other reasons to carry on. You’ve done well. {{{hugs}}}

A few weeks ago, I was driving when I felt upset, angry, hurt and desperate. I was being reckless and I remember thinking that I didn’t care if I died. Then I realised that if I had been in an accident, it might not be me who died, but an innocent person, a complete stranger. This was enough to make me stop and take note. It was enough to settle me down and push those dark thoughts aside. The next day I found myself thankful that nothing happened.

]]> By: Deborah http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-218 Deborah Sun, 08 Oct 2006 16:31:44 +0000 http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/to-kill-oneself-or-not-to-kill-oneself/#comment-218 Wow, Karen. You're right, that post speaks volumes. Thursday marked the 10th anniversary of my brother's death. I realized this when I looked at the calendar at work and thought: I can't believe he's been gone 10 years. The first five were a living hell. I barely functioned, and I wanted to die. I still have days like that, but they are few and far between now. When a black mood hits, I draw up my mental list of reasons to live. Wow, Karen. You’re right, that post speaks volumes. Thursday marked the 10th anniversary of my brother’s death. I realized this when I looked at the calendar at work and thought: I can’t believe he’s been gone 10 years.

The first five were a living hell. I barely functioned, and I wanted to die. I still have days like that, but they are few and far between now. When a black mood hits, I draw up my mental list of reasons to live.

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